First Things First

Ok, this blog is LONG overdue, so I'm just gonna write some brief shit about why I'm writing this and whatnot.

Who I am: 
I'm a recent apostate from the Mormon church (or exMo, former Mormon, w/e).  I found out the church wasn't true in early June 2010, a few days after I turned 18 and a few days before I graduated from high school.  My dad left the church when I was 14, but I refused to believe that he was right (I'll write more about this some time).  Like most TBMs (true believing Mormons, for those of you who aren't familiar with the exMo slang), I really wanted to church to be true.  Proposition 8 made me angry enough at the church that I was willing to admit negative aspects of it.  After watching a trailer for 8: The Mormon Proposition, I finally allowed myself to do an unbiased Google search of church history.  It took about two weeks of praying, reading, and thinking to finally say to myself, "The church isn't true."

The twist!
I found out the church wasn't true at kiiiiind of the worst time possible in my life.  I was adding a huge lifestyle and world view change while I was just entering the adult world.  I had just found out that the reason behind all my eccentricities in high school (I didn't grow up in Utah btw) was a lie, but it was too late to do anything about it.  And the biggest issue for me right now: It was too late for me to apply for a different college.  So here I am, at one of the BYUs, feelin all left out cuz I'm missing the beautiful testimony all my classmates have, and being forced to live the standards anyway.

Why I'm writing this blog:
It's going to be like a diary.  In my TBM days, I got guilted with young women's lessons on journaling, you know, so the children I didn't want may benefit.  So I've written in my journal every day for over a year.  But I've been reading some exMo blogs, and I think this kind of format might be more beneficial.  Last night I wrote, "this will be my last entry. I am not a Molly Mormon anymore." No turning back now!
Another reason is that I want to sin.  Yep, the Mormons were right about apostates! We're just lil sin-seeking whores.  I'm stuck in a place where I'm forced to keep principles that I just freed myself from, and I really want to do is break the rules.  There's not a whole lot I can do without getting caught.  SO I'M GONNA FUCKIN CURSE ALL UP IN THIS BITCH.

My Pseudonym:
It's not my real name.  "Nancy" comes from Nancy Rigdon, a 19-year-old who refused to marry Joseph Smith.   "Oaks" comes from Dallin H. Oaks, the modern-day apostle who is sealed to two women at the same time.  When I'm feeling pretentious, I'm trying to ask how people would feel if a general authority today  married a 19-year-old.  Most days, it's just some random pseudonym taken from relevant people.

The Blog Title:
"Deseret" represents the church.  I'm deserting it.